I think it was John Donne who coined the phrase "No man is an island", and in so doing he described the underlying reason why the relationships in our lives are so important. It's perfectly possible to be happy alone but loneliness is a different matter altogether and, in fact, our willingness and satisfaction to live as separate individuals is a key factor in enabling satisfying and strong intimate relationships with other people.

We are not "wired" to be solitary, and although some may happily live alone, for most of us there is a desire to find people with which to share our days. But we're such complex creatures sometimes, even when someone appears willing to love us we find that we push love away without really understanding why.

There's also the often tricky matter of the relationship you have with yourself. How do you feel about that one? Considering you're the only person guaranteed to be with you until you die, it's important you get along.

If you're struggling with any of the relationships in your life, including the one with yourself, it might be time to try and find some clarity to help determine the best next steps, not just the easiest.

My relationship training was with Terry Real of RLT and this is a diagram he uses to help couples explore the dynamic in their relationship. Maybe you can use it to plot your own situation.

 

Source: Terry Real - Relational Life Institute