In increasingly uncertain times, it’s easy to become weighed down by what feels like relentless misery and doom, but research shows that being mindful of what you feel grateful to have in your life is a great way to mitigate feelings of existential threat.
Research has found the following benefits result from a consistent gratitude practice.
Enhanced mood and life satisfaction
Reduced symptoms of depression and anxiety
Improved physical health markers
Increased energy and motivation
Better stress management
Strengthened social connections
It’s worth noting that these benefits result not from sporadically acknowledging what you feel grateful for but from making it a consistent part of your routine.
In the podcast, we have a regular feature in which Martin and I ask one another what we feel grateful for in that week. Over the years we’ve both picked things that might seem ludicrous to others, but it’s a measure of true gratitude that it often shows up in odd places simply because we’ve become so tuned into looking out for it.
So how do you develop a worthwhile gratitude practice?
Start small.
As with most things, if you try and go big too soon it’s hard to maintain enthusiasm and energy. So, try noting down one thing you feel grateful for at the end of each day or, if that feels too much, make a note of a few things that have stood out at the end of each week.
The key is consistency, so choose a frequency that enables you to maintain the habit.
Be specific.
The more general the point the less powerful it will be, oh and don’t record things you feel you SHOULD be grateful for, only record what really moves you.
So, ‘I’m grateful for my family’ is not great, whereas, ‘I had a lovely conversation with my daughter while we walked the dogs around the park, about the meaning of a dream in which she kept stalling at the traffic lights.’ is super.
You’ll find that the more you do it the more specfic you’ll get.
Get the timing right.
I’m a morning person, so it makes sense that I would think about gratitude when I wake up. You might be a night owl, so make sure you act in step with your natural rhythm.
These days, I don’t need to set aside a particular time to reflect on what I’m grateful for because I do it as a natural part of my everyday life. Gratitude pops up wherever it decides to.
Accept resistance.
If you’re having a tough day or going through a challenging period of your life it might naturally feel hard to call to mind anything you feel grateful for, and that’s OK.
Instead of abandoning your gratitude practice, try and shift it towards focus either on things that have remained stable and reliable while all else feels fragile, or on the small comforts that are getting you through the days.
When I was going through a particularly dark period of my life some years ago, I told my therapist I was worried that I didn’t have the emotional resilience to be of any use to the clients in my therapy practice. He told me that I might be doing my best work while I was emotionally raw because so many of my clients were emotionally raw too. He recognised that empathy might be easier to experience.
His observation made me feel grateful that I had such a good therapist! But it also made me feel grateful for my work and the privilage and honour it is to have people share their lives with me. It made such a big difference at a time when it was hard to see anything positive.
Think about format.
Do you feel happier writing about your gratitude in a notebook, voice recording it, making a mental note, drawing it in pictures? You can do whatever makes most sense to you. Use the medium that draws you in and invites you to keep going. If you’re not sure what’s best, try a few different methods until one feels right.
Have realistic expectations.
A gratitude practice has proven benefits but it’s not magic. Consider it a part of your self-care regime rather than the answer to everything. Through helping you to be more self-reflective it might throw up a realisation that there’s something else you need that you’re not currently getting.
Two final thoughts.
Don’t confuse gratitude with toxic positivity. When something painful happens gratitude is not there to dismiss or diminish it, and trying to do so will only make things worse. We have to experience and honour the emotions that resuly from traumatic experience before we can start to rebuild a sense of equalibrium.
Gratitude can be really helpful as a way of helping to embed the positive changes you might be making through therapy. If you’re suffering with anxiety or depression you might need some professional help before gratitude can help move the needle.
If you feel like it, let me know about some of the things you feel grateful for in the comments.
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